This is doubtless a legitimate question. Where have I been these six weeks?
In my defence, may I point out that I have gained a baby son and lost a tree. Young Guthlac Belvedere Pogenpohl "Thieving" Byard (not his real name) was born on 12th March, and has spent of the intevening fortnight soundly asleep or feeding, the sterling little chap. He is a fine boy aside from mis-matched ears and an unbelievably hairy back (the curse o'they were-boggy, young marster...Oi'll bring the torches). Mrs Byard survived the experience well and is now wandering around with the vaguely zombified expresion typical of the mothers of newborns.
As for the tree, one of the things which particularly caught our attention when we first viewed our house some years ago was the presence in the back garden of a beech tree at least 100 years old. The thing was so large around its trunk that three adults with arms outstretched and hands linked could just about manage to encircle it. It stretched over much of our garden and large parts of both next-door neighbours' gardens, rose to a height of over 50 feet, and weighed several tons. So you can imagine the mess the thing made when it fell over in high winds last Saturday, taking down a couple of smaller trees and parts of my garage with it.
Any mad woodcarvers interested in some enormous chunks of timber for free please add a message below...
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5 comments:
Congratulations!
I am a mad woodcarver, and wish to use your fallen trees to fashion a momument to Mila Kunis - a young lady who's existence has just come to my notice.
As Mrs Byard is still zombified, you can probably carry out intern net research on Ms Kunis without waiting for your good lady to go out on the peg-run.
If you're interested in real zombification, by the way, the Welsh honorary consul in Port-au-Prince, Baron Sadwrn, can send some stuff over in the diplomatic sack.
Congratutions indeed, Byardul nostru! "Thievin'" will undoubtedly grow up (in about 2 years) to be a handsome and employable shav. We're just about to open a bottle of cabbage brandy and have a knife fight here in your honour.
Congratulations on your new source of firewood. I am a mad woodcarver, but can only do tentpegs.
Regards to the charming wife and the latest Byard.
Thank you all for your kind comments, gentlemen. And please forgive the sparsity of my posting or even acknowledging comments; my life is currently full of workmen, minor disasters and nappies.
I'd write about it but it wouldn't be entertaining enough....
If it were the workmen who were having the "minor disasters" and then consequently requiring the nappies, and there was a sexual aspect to the story as well, then it might be more entertaining for us than you imagine :-)
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