Sunday, 7 December 2008

Jeevz N da Hood

It was one of those mornings when, as Jeeves once put it, God's in his heaven and all's right in the world, if that's the phrase I'm after. Jeeves would doubtless know.
When he shimmered in with the morning tea I did detect a certain frostiness about his manner, doubtless the result of his sulking over my purchases of a gold tracksuit, Air Jordans, a Malcolm X baseball cap and copious amounts of bling.
"Dashitall Jeeves - one must move with the times, don't you know. This gear is all the rage at the Drones Club."
"Indeed, sir."
"I mean, Tupac Fotherington-Thomas has promised to teach some of the chaps to break-dance. It's this frightfully jolly dance where you spin round on your head, apparently."
"I fear that Mr Fortherington-Thomas may be unable to impart his skill in that particular exercise of terpsichorean agility today, sir."
"What on earth are you blabbering about, Jeeves?" I retorted. Brainy as the chap may be, he sometimes fails to make sense at all.
"One heard from Mr 'Biggy' Little's manservant Beddoes that Fotherington-Thomas showed disrespect to Mr Little, upon which Mr Little's homies took him for a ride in Mr Little's stretch limo and popped a cap in his mother****ing ass, sir."
I reeled. "Oh I say Jeeves! Hardly the act of a preux chevalier, what?"
"Indeed not, sir."
As I sipped the refreshing brew my head seemed to clear somewhat.
"Yes sir?"
"Do you really think the bling gear is a frost?"
"Yes, sir."
"You'd probably better get rid of it."
"Thank you sir. I already have"


scarlet-blue said...

The classic look is always best: f leopard print boob tube... thigh high patent leather boots... you know wot I'm saying Mr Gyp...?
Now my question is: did Jeeves shimmer or did he shimmy?

No Good Boyo said...

Afraid Scarlet's word picture has banished all memories of your post from my mind, Gyppo. Could you repeat it?

Gadjo Dilo said...

I'm a little lost too, but only 'cos I've never read any of Mr Wodehouse's books. I am however hearing Mr Stephen Fry saying your words as I read them, Gyp.

Scaryduck said...

Tupac Fotherington-Thomas is a wet and a weed and sa 'Helo sky, hello flowers' chiz chiz

Gyppo Byard said...

Scarlet - Mmmph? Woogle?

Boyo - Whu? Can you move to one side mate, you're blocking my view of Scarlet...

Gadjo - read some Wodehouse immediately! That's an order! You'll thank me for it some day...

Scary - Tupac Fotherington-Thomas say "Yo mother****ing sky, yo mother****ing flowers, chiz my niz!"

scarlet-blue said...

Hello Boys!

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

You've been watching that Armstrong & Miller again, haven't you?

Gyppo Byard said...

Hello Scarlet! (Waves pathetically, spills indelible brightly coloured drink down shirtfront, trips over shoelaces).

scarlet-blue said...

Let me mope you up... oops..

Gyppo Byard said...

Daphne - I love that series of sketches! There is a rich seam of comic disconnect in contrasting 'then' with 'now'. I mean, can you imagine "Dick Barton - New Labour Spin Doctor!"?

Scarlet - do you get some kind of perverse thrill from causing AWS in hapless men? If so, then, erm, carry on. It's no problem...