This may sound like an appallingly stupid question, but it's absolutely genuine. I have just had three days of lethargy, a sore throat, mild diarrhoea, a high temperature and feeling generally "bleeeeeeeeeeeeeugh", but having been advised by the NHS phone types not to see a doctor or indeed go out at all, I have no professional diagnosis.
It could have been "ordinary" flu (although I've never had flu in August before). Then again, it could have been swine flu - but can you recover from a deadly global pandemic disease within 72 hours? That strikes me as an unreasonably short time to get over something that is potentially so serious. Was I just panicking and had three days of psychosomatic man-flu because my work colleagues were going down with similar symptomns left, right and centre? Is there a different, less serious viral infection going unnoticed because swine flu is getting all the attention?
If I'm lucky, I've had swine flu, and will therefore now be immune for a relatively small amount of trouble and discomfort. If I'm unlucky, I'm still ill and they'll prevent me from flying tomorrow (I'm supposed to be off to Indonesia to be reunited with my family, who've been there for three weeks already).
On a lighter note - a neutron goes into a pub, and says to the barman "How much for a pint of bitter?" and the barman says "For you, no charge."
The late, great Jimmy Edwards always recommended wearing squeaky shoes for doing stand-up comedy, so that you don't have to walk offstage in absolute silence...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Mmm, hope it's not the swine thing, Gyppo. Fingers crossed.
...then the neutron starts chatting to the girl at the bar next to him. "You want to comeback to my place?" he asks. "No thanks", she replies, "you're really not that attractive". I'll get me coat.
Meanwhile at another table, two sodium atoms are sitting having a drink.
One suddenly says "Oh God - I think I've lost my electron."
So the second one says "Are you sure?"
"Yeah - I'm positive."
Always remember - if you're not part of the solution, you're a precipitate.
We've been dishing out the old Tamiflu in the UK for everything that might possibly be swine flu, and it's not particularly sensible.
My advice would be to take mild analgeisa, lots of fluids, relax and not worry too much about what it could be. Real flu is when you wouldn't be able to go and get a fifty pound note from your front doorstep. Probably won't kill you. Unless it's one of those ones that will, of course.
Also on a lighter note, a scientist friend of mine sent a biochemical student to get some foil pie trays for an experiment, and they went looking for an enzyme called foilpitrase.
:-)
Hmm! Well SOMEone survived the Plague, didn't they?
Two guys walk into a bar.
You would've thought the second one would've seen it.
Ba dum bum.
Pearl
Weeks without the me'm-sah'b and kids at home, eh?
Now, what are the symptoms of curry'n'lager-fuelled, unshaven, grubby-vested and epic serial self-abuse?
Jules - whatever it was, it was an unpleasant few days and then full recovery. On the grand scale of things, nothing much to worry about. And every dose of tamiflu handed out willy-nilly brings tamiflu-resistant flu a step closer...
Pearl - yes; and our ancestors were among them. Just a thought...
Boyo - you are too kind in holding me to your own exacting standards. I was in fact leading a comparatively monk-like existence bar a few nights out with work colleagues, getting up to little beyond the occasional gin and reruns of Top Gear, plus a long list of jobs around the house that Mrs Byard left me "to keep me out of trouble". Not that I would ever claim to be a complete life-long stranger to self-abuse, mind you...
I need leave the room for no more than 15 minutes for Boyo to have turned it into a make-believe brothel cum distillery.
Post a Comment