Sunday, 8 November 2009

A new love

I have recently gone through a life-changing experience. This has not been easy for a middle-aged, respectably married man; but there is a new object of passion in my life.

I saw her in the street, and was captivated by her beauty. Her body has the most seductive curves I have ever seen. I should have admired from afar and left it at that, but I searched out more about her on the internet, and my desire grew, and became a consuming passion; I fantasized about running my hands over her lovely body, to possess her, to be - I blush to say it - inside her.

I had to have her.

I summoned up the courage to tell my wife.

"I'm sorry, but I cannot live without her. I don't want our marriage to end over this; what I would like ideally is for her to come and live with us and us all to try and get on together. And I think Guthlac will love her..."

She looked me right in the eye, remaining calm and poised.

"If you insist, then yes she can come and live here. But on one condition."

I felt my heart pounding.

"And your condition is?"

"That you put me down on the insurance as a named driver."


No Good Boyo said...

Is she a Hillman Imp?

Gadjo Dilo said...

Hillman Minx, more like!

Kerrie said...

I have an MG I feel like this about I named him Starsky.Sadly no one feels this way about me or Ford Escorts.

Gyppo Byard said...

Good grief - the Hillman Imps and Minxes takes me back... We had Cortinas when I was growing up. Someday I will get a vintage Cortina Mk I (the one with the Detroit-style fins and the pie-chart rear lights), but that day has not yet come. My Gran had a Triumph Herald. Ah, nostalgia...

Kerrie - open top? I know someone whose marriage almost foundered on the amount of time he was spending rebuilding an MG Midget. And Escorts are now bordeline classics. My mum had a Ford Anglia and then an Escort in the 70s while my Dad drove the Cortinas.

In fact, my new beloved is brand spanking new - the first new (as opposed to used) car I've ever owned. She's a citrus green SEAT Ibiza 5dr 1.4 Sport, the new model designed by Luc "Lamborghini Murcielago" Donkewolke. So basically, a VW Polo dressed up in as a Spaniard by a psychotic Belgian petrolhead. And I *love* it...