Wednesday, 14 November 2012

Surrealism at home - 4

"What is it Guthlac?"
"I'm slipping down the stairs." (I can believe this. Moments earlier he had been lying full-length on them.)
"I'm sure you'll be alright. In any case, it'll have to wait until I've finished shaving."
"Look - I have to finish shaving. You're not in any real danger. If you were, for example, being pursued by a hammerhead shark armed with a crossbow, I would rush to your aid."
"Am I?"
"No. And here are three good reasons why not: Reason number 1 - Hammerhead sharks cannot breathe out of water. Reason number 2 - Hammerhead sharks haven't got hands and would therefore find picking up, aiming and shooting a crossbow difficult. Reason number 3 - Their eyes, being at the extremities of their eponymous heads, are ill-placed for aiming correctly.
"What's reason number 4?"
"Are the first three not enough?"
"OK, reason number 4 - to span the crossbow requires that one puts one's foot in the stirrup, another movement which hammerhead sharks find bafflingly difficult owing to a lack of feet."
"How about reason number 5?"
"Hammerhead sharks have delicate skin which would be terribly chafed by the taut string of a crossbow."
What's reason number 6?"
"I've finished shaving now."


savannah said...

i love that he KNEW there had to be more reasons, sugar! xoxo

Roses said...

All children under 5 are surrealists.

I like children under 5, but over 2.


Gadjo Dilo said...

Number 6: Hammerhead sharks, having only five fins on which to count, can only count up to 5, therefore number six is the same as number 1, and so on. Alternatively you could buy an electric shaver, which doesn't necessitate you staying in the bathroom.

No Good Boyo said...