... as my grandfather was wont to say of things that annoyed him.
I have finally, in my mid-40s, worked out how market research operates. Hidden cameras, tracking devices and nerds with clipboards take careful note of which products I buy and then take them off the market. This has happened too many times in recent years for it to be coincidence.
Among the recent casualties of this global conspiracy to irritate me are Lloyd's pharmacy's own-brand talcum powder, Elgydium toothpaste, Sharwood's yellow bean sauce and the entirety of Waitrose's 'food explorers' kids' ready-meal range.
Why do they do this? Is it personal, or do I just have a taste so rarefied that continuing to satisfy it is unprofitable? Darn them all. Darn them to heck...
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9 comments:
I sympathise with you, Gyppo. When I was last in UK the I really wanted most - perhaps the only thing I really wanted - was a jar of Patak's Hot Mango Pickle. Could I get it? Could I buggery. "Oh no sir, we don't stock that any more: it has a lot of additives, you know". Grrrrr.
Quite. As Stewart Lee put it: "Political corectness has gone mad these days, hasn't it? I mean, you can't even write racial abuse in excrement on somebody's car any more..."
Yup, try buying a decent hock or finding a chop house these days. It's all lager and Lily Allen.
My largely hypothetical success with women dipped drastically after Givenchy discontinued Xeryus aftershave (the black and gold one). The smell of it joined with the aftertaste of milk (to line the stomach) reminds me of parties in my late adolescence.
Yep, they're all bastards alright, every goddam last one of them.
MC! Wow! I can smell you from here - the years just roll away. I loved boys in Xeryus. Have you not got even a tiny little drop of it left in a bottle in the bottom of your sock drawer?
It was a terrible day for me (and the boys in Xeryus) when the front-opening Wonderbra was withdrawn. And also a yeast supplement which my dogs pined for called Vetzyme.
Of course, that should have read "..withdrawn from sale". Sorry. Nor that Xeryus boys need yeast supplements. Sorry again.
In the Wales of the future all bras will be wonderous, and they will all open from the front. I've never understood this back-strap business. But then I can't tie my own shoelaces, or anyone else's either.
Very hard sticks of licquorice have vanished, too. My father thinks it's something to do with the Dutch.
I still have a bottle of Xeryus in my bathroom cabinet if Mr Ward would like it.
From an engineering perspective I like the theory of back-fastening bras but they always feel like you're running your hand over a badly-maintained level crossing.
A sure-fire test of the long-term viability of any product is whether or not I like it. I've lost track of the myriad groceries, comic-book series, television programmes and public services that have bitten the dust because I've bought them. Every time I find an anti-persperant that does the job without either bringing me out in a rash or making me smell like a tart's boudoir they change the recipe. Hungary Water was the only after-shave that didn't trigger an asthma reaction. I managed two bottles before that was taken off the shelves. And have you tried buying a raincoat lately? "No call for them," I'm told.
Every so often I go out and buy a Virgin rail ticket out of spite.
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