It is a matter of public record that No Good Boyo and I are both - for better or worse (usually the latter) - gainfully employed in the same organisation.
It may have occurred to some readers to wonder what, exactly, we get up to.
Well for a start, I am in the habit of sharing particularly entertaining worky-nuggets with like-minded colleagues, of whom Boyo is one.
Today I came across the appealing Malaysian headline (while reading up on the latest moves in the ongoing Malaysia-Indonesia bitch-slapping festival):
Malaysia: Minister Says Government To Review Levy Charged on Indonesian Maids
I pasted this under a subject line musing that this was a piece of good news for Captain Scott "Scottie" Scott.
Boyo promptly responded with:
Somewhere in the Irrawaddy Delta: Burmese Minister Says Government to Construct Levies from Indonesian Maids
Not to be outdone, I parried with:
Somewhere in Israel: Levy overcharged for Indonesian maid
Boyo was not done yet:
Somewhere in England: Lord Levy Questioned in Indonesian-Maids-For-Honours Scandal
Scraping the barrel somewhat, I moved on to:
Somewhere in Hollywood: Indonesian maid removes Levis
Boyo then added a rather soiled cherry to the top with:
Somewhere in England: Lord Scott of Quetta Renounces Title in Honour-For-Indonesian-Maids Move
And there matters would have rested, but for the fact that a North Korean headline then caught my eye, which suggested a natural response:
In Pyongyang:
Korean Central News Agency: Floral Tribute Paid to Bust of Kim Jong Suk
In Reading:
Rrom Peripheral News Agency: Floral Tribute Paid to Bust of Barbara Windsor
Boyo always rises to a challenge (see "Red Hot Amsterdam Video Productions Ltd vs Boyo, Aberyswyth Assizes, 1992"):
In Wales: Government Grant Paid to Bust of Charlotte Church
Unwilling to let him have the last word, I returned with:
In LA: Hugh Grant Paid for Bust of Divine Brown
The bit firmly between his few remaining teeth, Boyo shot back:
In the past: Cary Grant paid to squire bust of Marilyn Monroe
At which I responded desperately with:
Shortly after: Arthur Miller paid to bust Marilyn Monroe's squire
It was enough. Boyo's final e-mail:
Help!
I win game, set, match and managerial reprimand!
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11 comments:
Your win was well-deserved, and I've mentioned it to your manager for a suitable performance-related reward.
Word verification: Murnial - a lesser novel by Zola about dry-stone-walling in the Ardennes.
Fine work, gentlemen. The BBC is in good hands.
I'm doubly glad that a) your battalion is not funded by the licence fee, and b) I don't pay a licence fee.
Thank you Boyo. I'm assuming that the P45 mentioned is some sort of award, then?
MC - Awww, c'mon - at least my levity was caused by looking at the stuff that I'm paid to look at, and took seconds to write (Boyo and I both touch-type at the mandatory 60 wpm or better).
A propos of which, it only occurred to me today that the perfect headline for the report of the Indonesian police chief's conference at which the death of Noordin M Top was announced would have been:
INDONESIA: TOP COP SHOPS TOPPED TOP
Oh god, the imagery, the imagery!
Stand easy!
Hmmm... now I understand where all the dodgy headlines come from.
Sx
Jules - Glad to be of service!
MC - Cheers.
Scarls - This is but the tip of the iceberg. Boyo once produced the legendary slug for a story on a drugs seizure at Madrid Airport: "COCAINE IN SPAIN COMES MAINLY IN BY PLANE"
I once toyed with a headline for a story which reported that Vietnamese Commie boss Nong Duc Manh had blamed US-based exile Montagnard leader Ksor Kok for unrest which read "VIETNAM VIOLENCE - MANH FINGERS KSOR KOK".
Neither of us have ever risen to the levels of the fabulous typo produced by a colleague: "RUSSIA'S CHIEF RABBIT CONDEMNS DAGHESTAN BLAST".
We all bow in awe to the WWII sub on the Daily Mail who headlined a story on the Battle of El Alamein "EIGHTH ARMY PUSH BOTTLES UP GERMANS"
These are priceless. I've heard they don't like it up 'em.
Was the fingered Kok abandoned then?
Sx
MC - I thank you, sir. I could also have included "MAJOR MURDERED MOVING DUSTBIN", "IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS", "RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGE" or "MAYOR FIGHTS ERECTION IN HIGH STREET"...
Scarlet - yes, it was abandoned in favour of keeping my job. Where I work has had a blanket ruling against all "funny" headlines, ever since someone in the mid 90s slugged a report of a particularly gruesome Rwandan massacre with "TUT-TUT-TUTSIS, GOODBYE!"
Yep, that is a bit naughty.
Sx
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