Monday, 21 September 2009

Punfight at the OK Corral

It is a matter of public record that No Good Boyo and I are both - for better or worse (usually the latter) - gainfully employed in the same organisation.

It may have occurred to some readers to wonder what, exactly, we get up to.

Well for a start, I am in the habit of sharing particularly entertaining worky-nuggets with like-minded colleagues, of whom Boyo is one.

Today I came across the appealing Malaysian headline (while reading up on the latest moves in the ongoing Malaysia-Indonesia bitch-slapping festival):

Malaysia: Minister Says Government To Review Levy Charged on Indonesian Maids

I pasted this under a subject line musing that this was a piece of good news for Captain Scott "Scottie" Scott.

Boyo promptly responded with:
Somewhere in the Irrawaddy Delta: Burmese Minister Says Government to Construct Levies from Indonesian Maids

Not to be outdone, I parried with:
Somewhere in Israel: Levy overcharged for Indonesian maid

Boyo was not done yet:
Somewhere in England: Lord Levy Questioned in Indonesian-Maids-For-Honours Scandal

Scraping the barrel somewhat, I moved on to:
Somewhere in Hollywood: Indonesian maid removes Levis

Boyo then added a rather soiled cherry to the top with:
Somewhere in England: Lord Scott of Quetta Renounces Title in Honour-For-Indonesian-Maids Move

And there matters would have rested, but for the fact that a North Korean headline then caught my eye, which suggested a natural response:

In Pyongyang:
Korean Central News Agency: Floral Tribute Paid to Bust of Kim Jong Suk

In Reading:
Rrom Peripheral News Agency: Floral Tribute Paid to Bust of Barbara Windsor

Boyo always rises to a challenge (see "Red Hot Amsterdam Video Productions Ltd vs Boyo, Aberyswyth Assizes, 1992"):
In Wales: Government Grant Paid to Bust of Charlotte Church

Unwilling to let him have the last word, I returned with:
In LA: Hugh Grant Paid for Bust of Divine Brown

The bit firmly between his few remaining teeth, Boyo shot back:
In the past: Cary Grant paid to squire bust of Marilyn Monroe

At which I responded desperately with:
Shortly after: Arthur Miller paid to bust Marilyn Monroe's squire

It was enough. Boyo's final e-mail:

I win game, set, match and managerial reprimand!


No Good Boyo said...

Your win was well-deserved, and I've mentioned it to your manager for a suitable performance-related reward.

Word verification: Murnial - a lesser novel by Zola about dry-stone-walling in the Ardennes.

M C Ward said...

Fine work, gentlemen. The BBC is in good hands.

I'm doubly glad that a) your battalion is not funded by the licence fee, and b) I don't pay a licence fee.

Gyppo Byard said...

Thank you Boyo. I'm assuming that the P45 mentioned is some sort of award, then?

MC - Awww, c'mon - at least my levity was caused by looking at the stuff that I'm paid to look at, and took seconds to write (Boyo and I both touch-type at the mandatory 60 wpm or better).

A propos of which, it only occurred to me today that the perfect headline for the report of the Indonesian police chief's conference at which the death of Noordin M Top was announced would have been:


The Jules said...

Oh god, the imagery, the imagery!

M C Ward said...

Stand easy!

Scarlet-Blue said...

Hmmm... now I understand where all the dodgy headlines come from.

Gyppo Byard said...

Jules - Glad to be of service!

MC - Cheers.

Scarls - This is but the tip of the iceberg. Boyo once produced the legendary slug for a story on a drugs seizure at Madrid Airport: "COCAINE IN SPAIN COMES MAINLY IN BY PLANE"

I once toyed with a headline for a story which reported that Vietnamese Commie boss Nong Duc Manh had blamed US-based exile Montagnard leader Ksor Kok for unrest which read "VIETNAM VIOLENCE - MANH FINGERS KSOR KOK".

Neither of us have ever risen to the levels of the fabulous typo produced by a colleague: "RUSSIA'S CHIEF RABBIT CONDEMNS DAGHESTAN BLAST".

We all bow in awe to the WWII sub on the Daily Mail who headlined a story on the Battle of El Alamein "EIGHTH ARMY PUSH BOTTLES UP GERMANS"

M C Ward said...

These are priceless. I've heard they don't like it up 'em.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Was the fingered Kok abandoned then?

Gyppo Byard said...


Scarlet - yes, it was abandoned in favour of keeping my job. Where I work has had a blanket ruling against all "funny" headlines, ever since someone in the mid 90s slugged a report of a particularly gruesome Rwandan massacre with "TUT-TUT-TUTSIS, GOODBYE!"

Scarlet-Blue said...

Yep, that is a bit naughty.