"I like the one about the man who goes to the West Indies to search for deposits of iron sulfides."
"Is there such a film?"
"Yes Djangolina - it's called Pyrites of the Caribbean."
[Note to self - Djangolina is getting increasingly strong and fearless, and thanks to misguided school sex education lessons, knows where one's nadgers are.]
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Ouch. Or how about Mission Infossilable: the story of the maverick prehistoric crustaceans who refused to get covered in molten rock and.....
I'll get me coat.
What about the one where a family go sailing to the West Indies and find rodents have got into all their food supplies? "Pie rats of the Caribbean".
Or indeed the one about the man who teaches an exercise class in Jamaica focussing on core strength - "Pilates of the Caribbean".
There is one about a hermit who lives a solitary life in a beach hut on the pier.
Pier Huts Of The Caribbean.
There's another about posh Guardian environmentalists being made to walk the sustainable plank - "Porritts of the Caribbean".
Okay.
The one about the constantly annoyed people in Barbados.
Irates of the Carribean.
I shall obtain my coat.
Thank you, one and all. It's good to know I'm not entirely alone.
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