Alert readers will doubtless have been wondering what I've been doing these past months. The short answer is "having a life", away from the keyboard.
"What is this 'life' of which you speak?" some of them doubtless wish to ask.
Well, today I had the following interaction with my offspring, Djangolina (12) and Guthlac (3).
"We have to eat up the leftovers that are in the fridge. There's one portion of burgers and pasta bake, one portion of rice and stir-fry, or the soup and a sandwich option. Guthlac?"
"Burger an' pasta bake, please."
"Certainly. Djangolina?"
"Hmng?"
"What would you like?"
"Same as him."
"By all the tuneless shriekings of Rkslthrlp, blind idiot god of swamp, fen and parts of Milton Keynes - what part of 'one portion' dost thou not understand, wench?" I explained, hurling my horned helmet to the rush-strewn flagstones of our semi-detached mead hall.
"Oh. Sorry. Chicken-and-leek soup and a sandwich then."
I relaxed my grip on the plaits of the visigothic handmaiden I had seized in my annoyance and lowered her back onto the mead-bench. "And would you prefer your sandwich cut into triangles or squares?"
"Triangles, please."
"Triangles it shall be. Pass the two-handed axe, there's a dear..."
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5 comments:
Two handles, but how many blades?
Good to have you back in bloggery.
It's simpler in our house. Bendigeidfan eats anything and everything. Arianrhod eats it if you put the prefix "fairy" before it.
"Gritloaf, Arianrhod?"
"Nothangyou Daddy."
"Fairy mermaid gritloaf?"
"Yessplease! None for Bendigeidfan!"
Horned helmet - good. To ensure even better response, you could borrow Mjölnir from me (note - single-handed hammer but quite effective - no thanks to that ole Loki, he's a card!)
Regards,
Thor
Gyppo this is too much of a coincidence. You return to blogging within day of my own triumphant comeback on burnished throne etc. People will talk. (BTW shall I keep your toothbrush or do you want me to post it to you?).
Boyo - one handle, but you need two hands to lift it. I remember the whole fairy/princess/angel/mermaid/ballerina phase with horror. But at least Djangolina grew out of it. I though Bendigeidfran would eat Bran the Blessed Flakes...
Thor - thank you your sacred magnificence. Can you bring Mjolnir into the office next week? Ta. BTW, is it true your German oppo Donner is now making warriors unworthy of Valhalla into kebabs? I think we should be told...
Daphne - given where it's been recently, I think not.
Wordver: Hysting - norse god of security codes.
As NoGoodBoyo suggests, terminology is key.
Never offer a child an option.
Say instead: "here is your yummy (whatever)". a statement.
on the other hand, that advice is from a person who cannot cope with ordering the exhausting options at a SUBWAY.
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