Things people wouldn't say to my face...

... but might post on my blog.

Like, what do you think of my moustache? I mean, seriously?

I realise that there are those who hold strong opinions on the question of facial hair. My goatee, swordburns and pony tail are firmly in the past (to the relief of some, I'm sure); but I maintain the 'tache and would, indeed, feel naked without it.

Mrs Byard likes it (good enough reason to maintain it, one would think), but has set down strict rules about length. I am not permitted to allow it to straggle over my top lip, nor can I comb it out sideways and wax it in a manner reminiscent of Kaiser Wilhelm or Wilfred Makepeace Lunn (which I would if permitted to do so).

I originally grew it while living in Indonesia, where the moustache is a common attribute of manhood. Likewise, I am comfortably at home amid those of the Turkish or Middle-Eastern persuasion. Yet there is still unspoken prejudice against slug-balancers in the UK.

Why? What's wrong with having a 'tache, for Kitchener's sake?