Sunday, 4 July 2010

Answering the eternal questions - 2

Gentlemen - having settled the previous matter - rightly - in favour of The 5678s, let us apply ourselves to a scientific matter taking in elements of ethology, palaeontology and ctyprozoology.

I would phrase this vital question thus: In a pub car-park fight, who would win - Godzilla, or the T-Rex out of Jurassic Park?


The T-Rex:


Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Oh is this debate limited to gentlemen? I'm sorry, I'll withdraw fragrantly. Anything I can iron for you while I'm barefoot in the kitchen?

Sauti Ndogo said...

My first thought was definitely Godzilla. The T-Rex in Jurassic Park was hopeless. Even eating that lawyer on the lav didn't redeem it for me.

But this is a fight in a pub car park, so other factors come into play. We need more info. Do either Godzilla or T-Rex have a girlfriend there pleading "Leave 'im luv. 'E's not worf it!"? Is this the spacious car park of a 1930s roadhouse off the A3 (which would give the less nimble Godzilla the chance to stand back and zap T-Rex from a distance) or is it the cramped back yard of a twee gastro pub in a Georgian conservation area where the no-nonsense Godzilla would already be feeling uncomfortable and out of place?

Daphne: No need to leave us for the kitchen. But do put on some shoes, please. Take a tip from the Ronettes.

Gyppo Byard said...

Daphne - you are welcome to join in, it's just that all the women of my acquaintance tend to roll their eyes and try to change to topic when I raise interesting questions like this. Clearly you are one of the lads. Pull up a seat and have some crisps and a lager...

Sauti - That was kind of the thinking behind the question - normally you'd say Godzilla but a in the roughhouse of the poorly-lit tarmacked bit behind The Thatcher's Arms the T-Rex might have a good chance. And is modern scientific thinking not that the T-Rex's arms, while not equipped for decisive grasping, might be enough to grasp a broken bottle?

No Good Boyo said...

I hope we're talking the proper Jap Godzilla, not the tacky Hollywood imposter. Or are they twins?..

Anyway, it's got to be Godz. The T Rex's manky little front paws could grasp nothing so, as a colleague has pointed out, one kick to the lizardly pods would fell him and what's he going to do about it?

The car park factor can't be ignored, though. A small car park, like that of the Clifton Arms in Caversham, Berks, would favour T Rex as he could nut Godzilla while the poor bugger's wedged between the smoking area and the charity shop that used to be a florists.

If we talking about the White Horse in Emmer Green, or the Black Horse at Chekendon, then the space cancels out any T Rex advantage.

Godzilla has great hight, proper arms, can probably breathe fire and has the typical ingenuity of the Nipponese.

T Rex has a hard forehead, like some giant Brummie.

Set, game and match to 'zilla.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Oh, I've never seen any of these films but that 'zilla really is quite impressive. However, I take a Wellesian view of these things and feel that a humble bacteria - perhaps the common cold, or Chlamydia - would be the ultimate adversary. I therefore see the car park scene as a rather poetic longueur with a monologue from 'zilla about the futility of existence etc.

Gyppo Byard said...

Boyo - I think we're moving collectively towards being able to fill in the "suggestions for further research" bit with "Dinosaur cage fighting potentialities of the pub carparks of Berkshire - a preliminary survey".

Gadjo - Somehow I think a movie whose plotline involves T-Rex giving Godzilla chlamydia would be aimed at a rather different market from the earlier examples of the genre.

No Good Boyo said...

The producer of "Carpark Monster Gouge IV: The Rex Fest", watches Godzilla musing on his existential dilemmas and decides that the late Eric Rohmer was not the best choice of director.